Whisper
by Fae Elric
Summary: Roy's reflections on Edward's death. [RoyEd, oneshot, songfic, sequel to My Last Breath]


**Whisper**

By: Fae Elric, the Steel Alchemist

A/N: This one starts right where "My Last Breath" left off. A little before that, actually. So if you don't remember what's going on, go read the aforementioned story until you remember (which is about the first line or so).

**Disclaimer: **For what seems like the millionth time, I don't own FMA. I don't even own the rights to the song lyrics used in this story. Amy Lee does. I do, however, own this fic and the one it serves as a sequel to. (It's called "My Last Breath." wink wink nudge nudge)

I hear you draw in a rattled breath. You squeeze your eyes shut, as if merely breathing causes you extreme pain. For all I know, it does.

But then you open them again, and those aureate eyes I love so much are clearer than they've ever been. Something's different about them, though. It's like… the burden has been taken off your shoulders. Your pain in this life has been taken away, just as I know that you will be taken away from me.

"I love you…"

Then your eyes close slowly, and I can almost sense your soul leaving this body behind.

I hear stirring behind me, and I turn to see Envy, the bastard who's sucked the meaning out of my life, the one person who I've ever truly _loathed._

I don't let him even think about opening his mouth to speak before I snap my fingers, over and over, until I'm satisfied.

_Catch me as I fall_

_Say you're here and it's all over now_

_Speaking to the atmosphere_

_No one's here and I fall into myself_

_This truth drives me into madness_

_I know I can stop the pain if I will it all away_

It's been a month since you were stolen from me.

I've become such a mess without you, Edward. I spend most of my days drinking until I can't see straight. I don't go in to work that often. I don't even freaking shave but once or twice every other week. Hawkeye keeps telling me to snap out of it, that we all miss you and it's not just me that's grieving.

But she… she wasn't there.

She wasn't the one who burned Envy beyond recognition, using up all of the lives stored in his Philosopher's Stones.

She wasn't the one that saw Wrath destroy Al's blood seal before he could reach you to use the Philosopher's Stone.

She wasn't the one that held you as your lifeblood spilled onto that tile floor so far beneath Central, forever staining it scarlet.

She wasn't the one that loved you as I did.

_Don't turn away_

_Don't give in to the pain_

_Don't try to hide_

_Though they're screaming your name_

_Don't close your eyes_

_God knows what lies behind them_

_Don't turn out the light_

_Never sleep, never die_

Everything was going so well up till then. I had just become Brigadier General Mustang. I was closer than ever to my goal of becoming Fuhrer and revenging Maes's death.

And I had you. That was the one thing that mattered above all else. You, Edward, were the only thing I lived for. You were the source of all the happiness in my life. I knew that over everything else; you always used to tell me that "if you've got time to sit around moping about how life sucks, then you've sure as hell got enough time to get up and make a difference in your life."

It was you I saw when I woke every morning. You never knew this, but I'd lay there and watch the sun cast itself onto your golden hair, giving it an almost mystical look, what with all the different shades of yellow and gold.

That's what I loved about you. You were the light where I was the dark.

You were the one who gave me a kick in the ass whenever I started to lose sight of everything that mattered.

You were the only one who really understood me and chose to still stay with me. No one, not even Hawkeye, had ever come as close as you.

Hell, you were the only one who dared put salt in my coffee.

You were the only one I ever wanted to be with for the rest of my life.

And now that you're gone, what is there for me to live for?

_I'm frightened by what I see_

_But somehow I know that there's much more to come_

_Immobilized by my fear_

_And soon to be blinded by tears_

_I can stop the pain if I will it all away_

My nightmares have come back. But this time, instead of seeing the bloody streets of Ishbal going up in flame or Maes's lifeless body staring up at me, blaming me with those damnable sightless eyes…

I see you.

I see you as you should have been: happy, full of life, yelling at people who called you short.

I see you as you really were: scared, lonely, pretending to be older than you really were. Determined to right all the wrongs you made, no matter what the cost.

I see you as you were at the moment of your death: calm, totally at peace with this world, knowing that you were loved by all around you.

Seeing you and not being able to have you… knowing that I can't have you… is enough to drive me into madness.

_Don't turn away_

_Don't give in to the pain_

_Don't try to hide_

_Though they're screaming your name_

_Don't close your eyes_

_God knows what lies behind them_

_Don't turn out the light_

_Never sleep, never die_

There are memories of you, of us, everywhere I go. _Our_ living room, _our_ kitchen, _our _fireplace, _our_ bedroom. I want to leave it all behind me, but I can't. I'd be abandoning you like you never even existed. But we both know that's not true.

You helped anyone you could. Even when you were pissed off at the world you still had enough patience left in you to help strangers you had never seen before. That's what they all called you: Fullmetal Alchemist, Hero of the People.

You helped me see the good in this world. You'd kick me with you automail leg if you ever heard me say this, but you were still enough of a child to see the silver lining in every storm cloud.

But now that you're gone, so is my light.

_Fallen angels at my feet_

_Whispered voices at my ear_

_Death before my eyes_

_Lying next to me, I fear_

_She beckons me, shall I give in?_

_Upon my end, shall I begin?_

_Forsaking all I've fallen for, I rise to meet the end_

I can't stand this anymore. I don't want to live without you. I can't.

I can't.

I can't live.

I don't want to live.

I don't deserve to live. I couldn't save you.

I'm going to end it… so that I can be with you.

I put the barrel of the pistol under my chin, and this time there's no Marcoh or Maes to snap me out of it.

_Don't turn away_

_Don't give in to the pain_

_Don't try to hide_

_Though they're screaming your name_

_Don't close your eyes_

_God knows what lies behind them_

_Don't turn out the light_

_Never sleep, never die_

I close my eyes, and I can see you there. You look at me with one eyebrow raised, your lips set in a slight frown. I recognize that look. That's the one you gave me the most often.

It's the one that says, "What the _hell _do you think you're doing?"

And I…

I can't do it.

Please, forgive me. I want to see you again, but… not if it means ending my life without living as you would have wanted me to.

I eject the magazine from the pistol and empty it out into the street. I disassemble the offending hunk of steel and throw it in the fireplace. Piling firewood around it, I start a blaze that I hope will melt the damn thing, or at least damage it enough so that it can never be used again.

I call Hawkeye and tell her that no, I will not be late for work, I will be exactly on time and that I expect her to be waiting with the car outside my door at precisely seven hundred hours.

I empty all the beer bottles into the sink and watch the vile liquids spiral down into the oblivion that is Central's sewers.

After all, if I've got enough time to sit around moping about how life sucks, then I've sure as hell got enough time to get up and make a difference in my life.

A/N: I thought this one could use a happier ending than the last one. It's not much, but at least he didn't shoot himself. If you need me, I'll be shutting my hands in the HOT, HOT oven for ever putting that idea into Roy's gorgeous head.


End file.
